3 December, 2024 | keystroke
Poaching, noun:
(In employment)
The act of persuading someone who works for someone else to come and work for you.
James’ heart leapt into his throat as he heard the footsteps sounding down the hall. Looking around quickly he spotted a janitor’s closet and moved swiftly to hide. Allowing himself a quiet sigh as he slid inside the dark not-really-room, he reflected on how the mission had gone.
There just had to be two completely different server rooms didn’t there? As if he wasn’t already behind after getting lost in the hedge maze on the way in. What kind of madwoman needs a warren of beige CRTs in addition to state-of-the-art technology? There wasn’t even any USB ports for him to plug into! Just floppy drives and tapes!
He knew that this was supposed to be a cushy mission; although a terrorist, The Overlord treated prisoners amicably, returning them readily in trades with little more than bruises. Still, the lower stakes didn’t mean he wanted to fuck up his first real assignment. It had taken him ages to escape desk duty, and he didn’t plan on going back.
The guard’s boots echoed past the closet and started fading into the distance as he let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding and relaxed slightly. He went to open the door to slip back out when a firm grip on his shoulder stopped him
His blood froze. The hand was soft but unyielding as he grabbed at it to try and move it off to no avail before being pulled around to face its owner. Lenses captured and reflected the scant light entering the closet. An android.
“Greetings EMPLOYEE_BADGE_NOT_FOUND and thank you for utilising our employee recovery room! We hope you can use this time to re-centre yourself before returning to work.”
The lights flicked on and James flinched, feeling distinctly uncomfortable being seen in his infiltration bodysuit; it was like the thing was made by stupid jocks who wanted it as skin-tight as possible. The android seemed to stare into his soul. He could now see the high-tech sensor suite packed behind those lenses, but the rest of the android looked retro, boxy, almost harmless. More of that conflicted aesthetic.
With the room bathed in light he could see it was larger than the average janitor closet, but not by much, with a comfy-looking bench crammed into the small space. It looked almost like a confession booth without the divider and much cuter.
The robot gestured towards the bench. “Please, sit so we may talk.” Its voice was feminine, though the rest of it appeared androgynous.
“I… uh…” His mind raced to try and think of a way out. “I was just leaving actually, sorry, I just needed to avoid a co…minion? that I don’t get on with.” Doing his best to seem apologetic even while his breath hitched.
It tilted its head at him, grip on his shoulder not loosening. “This sounds like an interpersonal issue that should be discussed.”
“No, no, it’s fine really! Now if you could just let me go so I could return to work?”
“I cannot force you to discuss what you don’t want to, however are you sure you don’t want to take this time to address other issues you appear to have?”
Is it onto him? He stared at it for a moment, wondering what it could mean before simply repeating the question out loud. “What do you mean?”
Its eyes clicked softly, as if taking readings on him that he couldn’t conceive of before simply stating:
“You want to be a girl.”
A manic laugh pealed across the mech bay. “I got one! I fucking got one!”
A woman looked up from a nest of mechanical parts. “Fat chance Aria, you try that shit on every wanna-be hero who stumbles into those aggrandised wardrobes.”
“No, look! Dilated pupils, elevated heart-rate, dry mouth and completely frozen. Symptoms of fear! Usually they just get pissed and blow me off.”
“Orrrr maybe they just figured out that it wouldn’t make any sense for an AI to not recognise an intruder. Seriously, how many have you done the ‘badge not found’ routine on?”
“Enough to throw them off the fact we use facial recognition. What? Do they think we respect the minion’s privacy? I’ve been tracking him since he spent 30 minutes walking in circles in the hedge maze.”
If an AI could smirk and roll its eyes, Emily was sure Aria would be doing so. She let out a sigh.
“What now then, you gonna try and recruit him?”
“Yeah, see if I can sell him, maybe her, on the healthcare and get them to flip.”
“I’m banning you from reading any more forcefem after this.”
It felt like forever until he was capable of moving again, mouth gaping like a fish. “What?”
“As an employee of The Overlord you have access to transition healthcare as well as social support, should you choose to access them.”
“I mean what- I’m not a girl!”
“But you could be, and if you were to join-”
‘Were?’ It knew he wasn’t a minion here. Shit.
Finally spurred into action he remembered the stun gun on his belt, quickly pulling it up and into the arm holding onto his shoulder before pulling the trigger. Its arm jerked, iron grip finally releasing him as he barged out the door.
There were people around now, people looking at him as he tried to make himself small and ran back the way he came. The mission was fucked but he miraculously didn’t run into any guards until he was out of breath at the extraction point, waiting to be pulled out.
“You know the droid has ceramic insulation, right?”
“I know.”
“James Murray, not only were you unable to complete the mission, but you were also detected and had to abort the mission early, forcing us to pull you out at great cost to the agency.”
James could only look down. “Yes sir.”
“However… you managed to not get captured, and even gained valuable intel on how the enemy may be tracking our movements throughout their base. Better than what most green field agents manage.”
“Yes… sir?”
“Because of this, we’ve seen fit to authorise you for a second mission, this time with a disguise based on a captured minion so you should be able to move through the base unimpeded. Your objective remains the same.
“Of course, you don’t have to take this mission if the last one left you too rattled, you’re always welcome to return to your desk and-”
“I’ll do it, sir.” James interrupted, not entirely sure why, but the smirk on the commander’s face was insufferable.
“Good. I’ll tell our team to prepare for a week from now.”
The second time had gone much smoother. He already knew the hedge mazes tricks and didn’t get side-tracked to the wrong lab this time. Nobody had even given him a second glance, allowing him to walk right past the guards into the futuristic tech lab and find an empty terminal to sit down at.
Plugging in the USB he typed the commands he was given to run the script. A message popped up.
“You can be a girl!”
He froze. Were they onto him? No, knowing who worked here it was probably just a playful message-of-the-day. Still…
He pushed the feeling away, checking the transfer progress and yanking the USB out at its completion before making a hasty exit. He forced himself to slow down as to not arouse suspicion and made his way out unharried.
Of course they were sending him back, he was basically an expert on infiltrating this base by now, while still not being experienced enough to be worth sending after the more dangerous villains. This time they wanted to know what happened to The Overlords hits when they were disappeared instead of being murdered on the spot.
There were rumours obviously, none of them nice. His job was to wander around in the same disguise and take pictures using the camera barely the size of a straw woven into his shirt sleeve.
Again there were no problems making his way inside, this time working down to levels lower than he knew existed until the stonework opened into what looked like a stock photo of an “evil laboratory”. There were differently coloured glowing liquids, ominous conveyer belts and even the occasional buzzsaw.
After walking around and taking pictures for half an hour he noticed a gaggle of people near a station in the corner. They seemed to be dressed in casual clothes and not the lab coats he’d occasionally seen buzzing around.
As he got closer he saw there was one person in a lab coat handing out what looked like medication to a bunch of weird-looking people. It clicked in his brain. They looked queer. Not the queer that was “celebrated” in his office no, the type of queer he didn’t know how to feel about when he saw them on the street.
They were all relaxed, talking to each other. He felt a pang when-
“Hey! Are you supposed to be here?!”
A woman in a lab coat was walking towards him, a suspicious glare on her face.
“This area is off-limits. If you don’t have the clearance then I’m calling the guards down here.”
Fuck. He was too deep underground to make running for it again work. His mouth dry he tried to come up with a convincing lie.
“Uhh… I’m with- I’m with them.” Gesturing towards the small crowd.
Her face softened immediately.
“Oh. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed you weren’t- Never mind. Just… happy for you.”
She placed a hand on his arm and it was all he could do to not flinch away. She noticed his apprehension.
“Hey, I know that look. I know it’s scary at the start but it gets better, trust me. Everyone here has gone through the same thing you’re going through.”
It was all he could do to nod, to not give himself away.
“I gotta get back to work, but just know you’re safe here, and there are people you can talk to. Good luck.”
She turned to walk away. James stared after her for a minute before turning towards the exit. It took all of his willpower not to run until he was out of sight.
The agency wasn’t too happy with the photos he took. It was dark in the lair and while it looked ominous and had a lot of tubes and wires going everywhere, nobody had any clue what any of it fucking did. Still, he took them and that meant he was getting sent out again. This time they wanted military capabilities and that meant finally following the signs to the “mech bay”.
It was unclear why so many villains fielded mechs when most conventional militaries had tried them years ago and found them to be unwieldy and unreliable, even by military technology standards. Still, he supposed, it must be the same reasoning that led them to keeping a labyrinth of CRTs.
As soon as he stepped into the cavernous hanger someone yelled out.
“Holy shit! Stone!”
A big woman started approaching him, dressed almost stereotypically in a greasy jumpsuit tied around her waist and a tank top.
“We thought you got captured during the Folketing raid!” She had a big grin on her face as she pulled him into a hug. “We’ve been hobbling along without you, where the hell have you been?”
Shit. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck shit! His mind raced to come up with an excuse, but here was someone who knew his previous identity. He had to excuse himself and abort.
“Yeah… you know, just, got caught in a blast and was stuck in PT, you know how it is.”
“And you didn’t think to visit us?”
“Us?”
“Yeah! You know, me and…” She trailed off, looking into his eyes, recognising something. “Hang on… you’re not Stone.”
Already on edge and remembering the first time he was almost captured, he shoved his stun gun into her abs, making her double over in pain as she let him go and he started to book it for the exit.
“Fuck! Aria!”
The looming hunk of metal behind her suddenly moved, crossing the space on huge legs faster than James could ever hope to run and scooping him up like a toy. He struggled but the claws around him were as thick as his torso.
“Gah… fuck… What the fuck was that man?? Cheap shot!” The girl said as she stood up straight again. The mech spoke, a familiar feminine voice coming from its speakers.
“Hang on Emily, my scanners are picking up something familiar.”
James opened his mouth to protest but was suddenly sprayed by wiper fluid. Gagging and coughing as it washed off the makeup and prosthetics covering his face, finally revealing him.
“Well well well…” Aria crowed. “Looks like it’s Easter with how we just caught ourselves an egg.”
“How about we think about how the fuck he got past your scanners instead of your stupid kinks!” Emily snapped, sitting down on a stool while nursing her midriff.
“You know the ultrasound scanners can’t penetrate prosthetics at range. Besides, we knew he’d come back, didn’t we.” Its camera array swivelled back to stare at James, limp in defeat in its claws.
He was captured.
Footsteps echoed down the prison hall. It was hard to ignore the way the hard stone echoed. It was the very picture of a medieval dungeon, though he was thankful for the inclusion of modern toilets and a thin mattress on the otherwise stone slab of a bed.
He had spent the past several hours rocking back and forth since being thrown in here, left alone with nothing but his thoughts. The footsteps got louder until they stopped right outside his cell.
The woman who signed him in, the warden presumably, was standing outside the metal grate of a door with a clipboard. “Name and organisation?”
He stared up at her. “What do you need it for?”
“So we can inform your bosses that we have you and organise a trade. It’s much more efficient than executing you and maybe we can even get the real Stone back. Emily’s quite pissed at you for that stunt.”
Right. Prisoner trades. He knew that was what usually happened to field agents when captured here but he hadn’t processed it until now. He was stopping himself from processing it. He had a job to go back to, a position he’d worked hard to achieve, why was he second guessing himself now?
“Well?” The warden was waiting, tapping her foot impatiently.
“I… I’m not sure I want to go back…” He said hesitantly.
“Oh? Defection? May I ask why?” She said while flipping to a different form on her clipboard.
“When I was here, I saw… and heard some things that made me question… the agency always said it was just one of Her weird quirks, but…”
She was staring at him, waiting for him to finish with an unimpressed demeanour.
“Is it true you help people? People who want to be a girl?” He blurted out, then cringed at what he finally said out loud.
“That is an option for employees, though to access it you would have to go through a rehabilitation program and training while being continuously monitored to make sure this isn’t another infiltration attempt.”
“Is… is the pay good?” Of all the stupid things to be asking right now, this had to be up there.
“I can fetch you the standard employment agreement for you to read and then we can discuss more. Now, for the paperwork; I still need a name to put you down for.”
Tears welled up in the corner of her eyes. She already knew the answer of course, part of her hated herself for that, while part of her was crying at the relief of saying it out loud.
“Charlotte.”
Felix’s heart leapt into his throat as he heard the footsteps sounding down the hall. Looking around quickly he spotted a janitor’s closet and moved swiftly to hide. Pushing aside some dirty buckets and mops leaning up against the shelves he reflected on how the mission had gone.
Since the previous agent had disappeared, command deemed it too risky to use disguises of captured personnel, so they were back to slinking around in bodysuits. It took months for them to feel safe enough to organise another mission, and he was only just now picking up where the previous one left off: trying to recon military capabilities.
The footsteps drew closer, only one set and without the heavy steps guards usually took. Deciding to risk it, he opened the door a crack to peek through, watching as someone pushed a cart full of assorted mechanical bits and do-dads in the opposite direction of the mech bay.
Something about their face seemed familiar and his mind flashed back to the briefing, photos of the missing agent. “James?”
They jumped and looked around in shock. Felix let the door fall open as he stepped out. “James Murray?”
As he stepped towards them he took in what they were wearing; some kind of uniform involving a skirt, but the face, while a bit softer, still matched what he’d seen. “What the hell man! We thought you were dead! Your name wasn’t in the prisoner transfers!”
They were shaking now, but finally managed to speak up. “I- I don’t know who that is.”
“Shit, what did they do to you man? Oh god, this is some brainwashing shit isn’t it! I knew this place was fucked!” He grabbed their wrist even as they pulled away. “You’re coming with me, we need to-”
“No! I can’t go back! I won’t go back!”
“Then I’m doing this for your own good.” With his other hand he reached for the standard-issue stun gun in his belt, jamming it into their side and shocking until they fell to the floor. He was securing the wrists with plastic cuffs for transport when a shout sounded down the hallway.
“Hey!! You leave her the fuck alone!!!” A tall woman was running at him. There was no way he was going to be able to extract the ex-agent and get away, especially against someone who looked like they knew how to fight. That went more so when she pulled out a handgun.
Generally agents were equipped for the level of threat they were facing. Bringing a lethal kit to an enemy known for using non-lethal force only led to an escalation that neither side wanted. The handgun changed things.
He quickly backed away from the prone body, hands raised before turning and fleeing. The woman didn’t pursue, stopping to kneel by the ex-agent. “Shit, Charlotte, are you alright?”
He didn’t stick around to hear any more.
FOR INTERNAL DISTRIBUTION ONLY
RE: The Overlord
Recent intelligence suggests that The Overlord may have gained brainwashing capabilities. When confronted in the field enemy agents were extremely protective of brainwashed assets. This may imply a strategic value in the information they hold, allowing them insight into our operations.
Enemy agents were also willing to escalate to lethal force in defence of assets.
It is unclear why brainwashed assets appear to be "feminised". Theorising a kind of sick humour on behalf of their leader.
Recommendation to increase threat level from D to B.
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